1. After your humans give you a bath, DON'T LET THEM TOWEL DRY

YOU! Instead, run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself off on

the sheets. This is especially good if it's right before your

humans bedtime.

2. Act like a convicted criminal. When the humans come home, put

your ears back, tail between your legs, chin down and act as if

you have done something really bad. Then, watch as the humans

frantically search the house for the damage they think you have

caused. (Note: This only works when you have done absolutely

nothing wrong.)

3. Let the humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it

perfectly. Then the humans try to demonstrate it to someone else,

stare blankly back at the humans. Pretend you have no idea what

they're talking about.

4. Make your humans be patient. When you go outside to go 'pee,'

sniff around the entire yard as your humans wait. Act as if the

spot you choose to go pee will ultimately decide the fate of the

earth.

5. Draw attention to the human. When out for a walk always pick

the busiest, most visible spot to go 'poo.' Take your time and

make sure everyone watches. This works particularly well if your

humans have forgotten to bring a plastic bag.

6. When out for a walk, alternate between choking and coughing

every time a strange human walks by.

7. Make your own rules. Don't always bring back the stick when

playing fetch with the humans. Make them go and chase it once in

a while.

8. Hide from your humans. When your humans come home, don't

greet them at the door. Instead, hide from them, and make them

think something terrible has happened to you. (Don't reappear

until one of your humans is panic-stricken and close to tears).

9. When your human calls you to come back in, always take your

time. Walk as slowly as possible back to the door.

10. Wake up twenty minutes before the alarm clock is set to go

off and make the humans take you out for your morning pee. As

soon as you get back inside, fall asleep. (Humans can rarely fall

back asleep after going outside, this will drive them nuts!)