1. After your humans give you a bath, DON'T LET THEM TOWEL DRY
YOU! Instead, run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself off on
the sheets. This is especially good if it's right before your
2. Act like a convicted criminal. When the humans come home, put
your ears back, tail between your legs, chin down and act as if
you have done something really bad. Then, watch as the humans
frantically search the house for the damage they think you have
caused. (Note: This only works when you have done absolutely
3. Let the humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it
perfectly. Then the humans try to demonstrate it to someone else,
stare blankly back at the humans. Pretend you have no idea what
they're talking about.
4. Make your humans be patient. When you go outside to go 'pee,'
sniff around the entire yard as your humans wait. Act as if the
spot you choose to go pee will ultimately decide the fate of the
5. Draw attention to the human. When out for a walk always pick
the busiest, most visible spot to go 'poo.' Take your time and
make sure everyone watches. This works particularly well if your
humans have forgotten to bring a plastic bag.
6. When out for a walk, alternate between choking and coughing
every time a strange human walks by.
7. Make your own rules. Don't always bring back the stick when
playing fetch with the humans. Make them go and chase it once in
8. Hide from your humans. When your humans come home, don't
greet them at the door. Instead, hide from them, and make them
think something terrible has happened to you. (Don't reappear
until one of your humans is panic-stricken and close to tears).
9. When your human calls you to come back in, always take your
time. Walk as slowly as possible back to the door.
10. Wake up twenty minutes before the alarm clock is set to go
off and make the humans take you out for your morning pee. As
soon as you get back inside, fall asleep. (Humans can rarely fall
back asleep after going outside, this will drive them
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